SELFISH,

i can't do this anymore, i just can't. i think i need to talk to him, i can't keep this to myself much longer. since when did i become like this, it seems to me.. no one can make me feel better but him.
stephanie used to make me feel better with her word of advice & myself and those long showers. but now? nothing works .. i come out of the shower with still tears in my eyes. he's the only one that can make me feel better.. why am i so dependent on him when it comes to my emotions. can't i do better, ariel ? what has happened?
i don't wanna be a bad girlfriend.. i want him to be happy. but i can't keep this to myself much longer, i want to tell him.. but i can't. he's so happy, i don't wanna be the one to ruin it for him . i shouldn't be the one doing that, i should be happy for him shouldn't i? but why am i not? as of now, i think i've lost it all .. the happiness i once had. but where did it go? how did all my smiles & laughs turn out to be tears in my eyes.
why am i so stupid? why am i constantly crying over this.. it's just a sport. why? why do i need him with me so much, i wasn't like this before. i was never like this before, what have i become? i'm a disaster .. it's all catastrophe .. my world is falling apart without you. i already feel the gap, i haven't really talked to you lately, i couldn't bare. today was so different from a week ago, how can things change so suddenly? or is it just me? did you notice that we haven't had a real talk this week except on monday or are you too busy with handball now? i really don't know.
do you have any idea how i feel right now? or you think i'm happy because you are? i'm sorry .. but i'm not. i tried, but i still end up in tears. i'm such a stupid girl , making such a big deal over this and why is this? i think i've completely fallen in love with you, boy.