I have an urge,

i have an urge, but i can't do it. I'm honestly sitting here wondering how you're feeling right now. am i off your mind again because you're cs-ing? who knows. i don't know how long this fight is going to last. I really don't. You told me to leave you alone and i'll try my very best to. And this time.. i'm going to listen, usually i give up and message you. but this time i'm not going to. You told me to leave you alone so i'll wait patiently. It'll be hard probably but i'll make it. I bet you don't even know the real reason why i got pissed off at all. each time i get mad, you tell me that it's both of our faults, why? What did i do wrong.. I'm still trying to figure that one out.
I remember you telling me once when i said you get mad over stupid shit that those stupid things are things that hurt you. You may think I'm stupid and dumb and starting a fight for no reason but have you though that maybe these stupid shit hurts me? Each time you get mad, i really try to understand. But i honestly don't know what you do when i'm mad at you.
I can't be like you, I'm off your mind when you're with friends. How come i can't do that? I've done everything i can to you, i lost many friends. & i'm not planning you, i miss it alot sometimes. But I tell myself it doesn't matter because i still have you. Meanwhile you tell me to leave you alone and let you live your life. Do you know how that made me feel? I felt that i wasn't part of that life you wanted to live. Well jimmy, i'll wait til you wanna talk. I'll always be ready but when will you be.