flaws,

i guess you can say, life's not perfect. it's full of problems, like a roller coaster it goes up & down. so therefore, love is definitely full of flaws. sigh... i don't know. something seems wrong, i just don't know how to put it in words to describe, could he be losing feelings? is he thinking otherwise? or does he feel just the same as how i feel right now? i really don't know.. and i guess i wouldn't know. things haven't been the best lately.. we don't seem too strong, are we drifting apart already? i'm so scared.. it's all that i can even think off , i don't even know what i'll do if i was to lose him. About three months ago, when we broke up.. i fell apart, i couldn't stop crying, i couldn't stop thinking, i was so weak. never in my life did i think any guy would make me feel so broken apart, so weak, so dead, so depressed. and i guess JZ did it, he's changed me in many ways. he has made me think otherwise, in different angles. before he came along in my life, i said " i'd never take back a cheater " and guess what i just did or what i've done. I've taken him back, given him another chance and i don't regret it at all. I honestly don't know how long we're going to last but these past months since May 21, 2009 the day we got back, has been life changing. With him, there were many firsts for everything, i've matured and i don't think the way i used to anymore. :x
What's love? in my world, my dictionary, the word LOVE, is undefined , N/A . i always thought DP was my first love and maybe he is. who knows? he's given me a month of new things, it was pretty amazing but come to think of it , it defintely was as worth it as back then. Back then , it was worth my whole life time just to be "that girl" he'd talk about or just .. yeah. all those tears, that drama for one month and five days of happiness and then two months of heart break just isn't worth it. Yet, i was really happy for that one month and five days but honestly.. to me , the person i've become throughout this year, it definitely wasn't worth it. well who knows, maybe i did "love" him. As for JZ, i can say he's an impact in my life, no matter what happens in the end, he will definitely leave a big mark in the end. Sometimes, i dont know if i really "love" him but i tihnk i'm close enough to say that i do. We've been through many goods yet many bads. & each time, we pulled it through.. i don't know , i don't understand .. some people are just so positive that they love someone but how come i'm not? why do i always question myself and ask if i really do "love" them... why do i have to make it so complex.. i don't wanna lose you ...