drifting apart,

well, what can i say. school sucks and it's making me so sad and stressed. mom & dad needs me to do better but i feel like i'm not even trying my hardest. I'm not motivated, i need motivation. At night sometimes i just sit & stare.. really who the fuck does that. -.- i need friends and close ones i mean. i have no one to hang out with. If im not with him, i'm most likely alone. I kinda miss freshmen year. :\ school was considered "hard" but now it's nothing compared to sophomore year. And then i had leslie, anna & them after school with me. Now i feel like i'm a complete loner. i can't even make plans with anyone. I want an outside life, i'm always home.. i'm sick of being home. It's not like i do homework right when i get home, i rather do stuff to keep myself busy rather than bumming home.
thanksgiving's coming & my grandparents are going to china, i'm going to miss them during the holidays. :x I have loads of tests & projects, yay. & marking periods already over.. sigh. i'm doing so bad. every now and then i feel like I'm about to cry for school, how pathetic. My parents are going to shoot me when they see my grades. What happened to my 90 average.. i miss that. I need to find it back, give me motivation .. someone, anyone.
It's been a very lovely week this week, weather was decent and you know what that means. haha, yeah. He went handball everyday this week besides Thursday but i made plans with Anna so yeah we just hung out a bit? He said he'd come on Friday but turns out he didn't. but it's okay, i don't really mind, it's kind of the whole thing about giving each other space. As long it's not too much space. I've gotten used to it, i believe.. and next week is going to be quite nice out too so there goes another week.
I don't know, every now and then i get scared. It's like i lost my confidence, why am i scared that I'd lose you? it feels like we're not act a stable level, that we could break apart any day sometimes and it frightens me. Help me gain my confidence back, and not anyone can .. only youu..