ughhhhhhhhh,

i swear, you piss me off so much sometimes. i wanna like punch something, kick something or just hurt someone right now. FUCK. your an asshole. do you ever notice when im mad? fuck, do you even care? you just do other shit & just think its fine. i swear i should really say something now. it's getting so fucking annoying. you say the stupidest shit to me & it hurts my feelings pretty damn bad. it's like i want to say something, but i don't want to start a fight because that's exactly what it will lead to & that's exactly something we don't need right now to pull our feelings even further than it has gotten.
someday, your going to make me hate handball more than i already do right now. i hate crying, i don want to cry for this shit anymore, it's so fucking stupid. what have i gotten myself into? I've been hurting more than being happy lately, what's going on? i'm falling apart, breaking down. i'm so tired of these tears.
sometimes i just wish i didn't like you so much or just care so much. am i being selfish or what? should i be mad over this? last night you tell me to never text you b/c its so annoying, how the fuck do you think i felt to that? you killed my night, i wanted to say something but i don want to start a fight. then morning, i wanted to talk to you.. when i signed on AIM, you left me a msg and made me smile, i just forgot about everything last night. then i'm talking to you & just because you got to the park , you stop talking to me.. yeah i get that but i couldn't even a bye until i asked for one. are you that fucking anxious? should i get mad over this? someone tell me.
and yeah, i admit compared to the first two months, you've changed alot from the way you treat me and you've spend more time with me than playing hb, but really i feel that when it comes to a handball court, you don't even remember me. i hope you realize that i only go to cropsey for you, & then when you don't get to hb b/c of the weather you get all annoyed and put it on me. am i the one you take all your anger out on now? sometimes i dont even care but then you just make me feel so bad. i want to forget about this but i know it'll come up again, i want to tell you but i dont want to pick a fight and lose you. sigh ..